Goodbye
by Nina.4444
Summary: The team says goodbye to one of their own.  Sam, Callen and Kensi friendship. Team friendship.
1. Chapter 1

**Goodbye.**

**The team say goodbye to one of their own. Sam, Callen, Kensi and team friendship.**

For the first fourteen years of her life she had had a misunderstanding of pure sorrow. Of sorrow, of grief and of loss. It was understandable; these feelings were not something she had ever experienced before and for that reason she really had no right to understand them.

And now, now that she did, she wished every day that she still lived in that naive and blissful world of ignorance.

Her misunderstanding changed the day her father died.

After that day she knew what is was to grieve. After that day she knew what it felt like to lose something so irreplaceable that it's almost impossible to ever feel whole again. She knew what it was to feel empty. She knew what it was not to trust anyone. She knew what it was not to commit to anything, to keep her distance. She knew what it was like to not let anyone see who she actually was; to see the real her. And she knew what it felt like to choose to do all of this, to work every minute of every day to keep up the facade of being 'fine'.

God she hated that word.

Kensi stood, her shoulders slightly slumped, staring at herself in the tall, sliding mirror. She wore black. Black. More black. She hated black. Almost as much as she hated the word 'fine'. Well she didn't really hate black but she _hated_ the reason she was wearing it. She closed her eyes in an effort to evade the tears that were welling. She would not let them fall. Not today.

The junior agent sighed softly for what had to have been the millionth time that morning and let her head fall forward against the mirror cooling it on the glass. She closed her eyes and simply breathed feeling her chest rise up and down. Kensi stayed there in that position, as still as possible, for several moments or at least until she jumped, her whole body flinching violently, when her phone rang. She pushed herself away from the mirror and stumbled unsteadily on her heels towards her phone that lay on her bed. Her hands were shaking as she reached to grab it,

"Hello" she said without even bothering to check who it was,

"Hey Kens" G's unmistakable voice came through the phone, except that it was even more exhausted and weary than usual but that was expected and Kensi would bet that he hadn't gotten a drop of sleep the night before. She sure hadn't. Callen had stayed at Sam's place and for that she was thankful. She could only imagine what was going on in both of their heads and she was glad that they had each other. That's what partners were for after all. A bitter taste rose in her mouth as she answered,

"Hi G" She said as she turned on the spot and let herself slide down the side of the bed until she was sitting on the floor with her knees bent upwards to her chest.

"Just checking in, Sam and I are just leaving and you're further away" he said gently and she knew he was consciously trying not to upset her,

Had she really been that bad?

"Yeah I know I'm just going out the front door" She knew he would know she was lying in a heartbeat but she really didn't have the energy to care.

"Kens you sure you don't want to just come here and we'll drive in together, or I can come and pick you up?" Callen offered and Kensi shook her head fiercely from where it laid on her knees. It was only after several seconds that she remembered he couldn't hear her denial,

"No G I'm good I'll be there don't worry I'm ready" She assured him and forced her pulsing head back up to take another look in the mirror,

"Okay, how are you doing?" Callen asked her softly and she snapped her head away from her reflection feeling her emotions bubble,

"Fine" And there was that word. Straight from her mouth.

"How's Sam? How are you?" She asked before he could call her out.

"Yeah...we'll be there" She nodded squeezing her eyes so tightly as they began to sting when he repeated her words,

"Alright G I'll see you there" She managed to get out before her voice choked up and she couldn't talk anymore,

"Okay Kens see you soon" With that she hung up.

She couldn't do it. She couldn't go. She wasn't going to be able to hold it together.

**Part 1 of Goodbye,**

**Really hope you guys like it so far...please reviewww!**

**Nina Xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Goodbye**

**Part Two**

Kensi stood up shakily and cursed her stomach as it flipped over and over. The junior agent dragged the back of her fingers across her lips as she pushed herself away from the tree and made her way unsteadily back to her car. She regretted wearing heels as they sunk into the lawn each time she stepped causing her body to sway as she fought to regain her balance, which was not helping her nausea at all.

Kensi shook her hands as she climbed back into her car praying it would be the last time she had to swerve traffic to stop to launch herself out of her car only to empty the breakfast that she hadn't eaten from her stomach. The unshed tears that she hadn't allowed to fall blurred her vision and she tossed her head back blinking furiously as she started her car back up again and began to drive.

She didn't want to go and yet she kept driving. She didn't want to be there and yet she had dragged herself out of bed and got dressed. She definitely didn't want to go through with what she had somehow agreed to and yet a white piece of paper smudged with tears and blue ink was folded up in her bag. Because today wasn't about her. Today wasn't about what she wanted or what she didn't want, it was about her partner. Her partner that was gone.

Kensi shook her head and let out a groan of frustration. She refused to let herself fall apart, not today. At least not there. She could wait until she got home, until it was over but she couldn't break down, she couldn't fall apart not yet.

As she drove she clutched the steering wheel with both hands in attempt to stop them from trembling and squinted her eyes to evade the tears and avoid the harsh sunlight. The day was warm and sunny harshly contrasting with the events and the mood of the day. As she stopped at the traffic lights she let her head fall back against the head rest which was already thumping.

She watched the group of strangers crossing the road, happily chatting, and the others milling around the streets. It was them she didn't understand,

Their smiles, their laughter, their blissful ignorance.

_How did they not understand? How could they be smiling as though nothing had happened, as though everything was normal?_

_Didn't they understand that he had died for them? Defending them, defending their mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters and children, defending the country._

_Why shouldn't they be upset as well?_

No. They weren't, they wouldn't be. Because they didn't know, they didn't know him. They didn't know Dom, they didn't miss him.

She did. The unbearable pain in her chest stung even more but she ignored it as the lights changed again and stepped on the accelerator.

She kept driving, further into the sunlight, getting closer and closer to the park, closer to the one thing she didn't want to do. She never wanted to do but she would because the sunny day wasn't about her, wasn't about anyone else but him. It was about the man who had been taken, taken from them, from her.

**Part Two of Goodbye**

**I really hope you guys like it.**

**Please review!**

**Nina xoxo**


	3. Chapter 3

**Goodbye**

**Part three.**

Kensi peered out her tinted window laying her forehead against the cool glass. It was stunningly beautiful. The sunlight she had been complaining about not moments ago filtered through the parks' trees giving the area a magical, golden glow. Crunchy orange autumn leaves the size of dinner plates littered the lush green ground and even from her car she could hear the melodies of the birds perched in their homes above.

She watched the black sea of people congregated in front of a large, old and beautiful rotunda and took in the rows of chairs before it. She could see the people talking, gathered, crying, mourning. And it was then that she caught side of the wooden casket that sat in the centre of the shaded rotunda with a bright, colourful arrangement of the most beautiful flowers atop.

Kensi knew that she was already late. Well later than she had planned to be there. Her eyes scanned the crowd again and she found his mother, Lauren, sitting on one of the chairs surrounded by people and Martin her husband who stood alongside Dom's brothers greeting people. Finally her eyes found who she was looking for the most. They stood at the back of the crowd in a small group. The boys all dressed in black suits all looking more than uncomfortable and Hetty taking in her surroundings with the saddest look she hoped she'd ever have to see on her face. Kensi drew in a deep breath and finally opened her door grabbing her bag and stepped out into the warm air.

As she locked the car and began to make her way up the path she felt the nausea swelling once again and her head begin to thump. She could hear her heels on the cement path below her and forced her feet to move forward one step at a time. It was then that Sam who was facing her way caught sight of her and he threw her a little smile causing the rest of the team to turn towards her. She took in another gulp of air and headed their way,

"Kensi" the junior agent stopped suddenly and turned in her spot only to see David, Doms oldest brother walking behind her his arms full with a large box. He smiled at her but she could see the sadness in his eyes a mile away. He quickly put the box down and reached to embrace her. She hugged him back,

"How are you?" she asked softly,

"Yeah, you know" she nodded,

"How about you?" he asked looking down at her and she shrugged.

"Do you want a hand" she asked gesturing to his car where the boot was still up,

"No no, it's all good. Marcus is getting it you just don't worry about anything" she raised an eyebrow,

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you" he shrugged and kissed her cheek before turning back to his pile of things,

"Hey Kens" she turned to him again,

"Thank you" She frowned in confusion waiting for David to clarify,

"For telling them. For making sure it was you who told them" he said gently and she knew he was referring to the hardest conversation she'd ever had when she had driven to Dom's parents' house to tell them what had happened to their son. She shook her head not wanting the thanks knowing that there was no way she could ever have let the sweet, devoted parents find out over the phone, or by some officers who hadn't known him.

"I'll be up in a second alright" she said and he nodded before making his way towards the rotunda after smiling at her. Kensi sucked in some more air feeling her throat close up and her chest tighten. She began walking again further up the path until finally she made it to the team. Callen was closest to her and he smiled at her grimly before holding his arm out for her. She slipped under his arm and gave her shoulders a tight squeeze knowing that the last thing she would want right then would be a hug.

"How you doing Kens?" Sam asked quietly and she cringed at the sadness and torment she could hear in his voice. She shrugged as she had done to David not trusting her voice and glanced to the ground taking the chance to take another deep breath and squeeze her eyes shut tightly,

"I didn't know you knew Dom's family Kens?" Nate asked quietly and she looked up to him a small smile forming on her face,

"Yeah I spent a little time with them" she said remembering the time she had spent with his beautiful family. Callen pulled her into his side a little further and she allowed her head to rest on his shoulder drawing the strength from him that he offered. She met his eyes for a moment before standing up straight and nodding,

"I better go say hello" Hetty smiled to her and Kensi threw the team a small smile before she headed further up the path between the seats.

She first saw Lauren, the heartbroken woman still slumped in one of the wooden chairs. Kensi offered the woman a smile when she looked up and walked towards her as Lauren reached out for her. She sat next to her and Lauren brushed Kensi's hair back a little running a hand down the side of her face,

"Oh dear girl, thank you for coming" Kensi smiled and leant towards her hugging the woman fiercely as she cried and clenching her own jaw in an effort to not do the same. She was met next with Dom's sister Cathy who she embraced like her mother and then leant down to the two young girls who were clinging to their mothers' leg shyly. The girls smiled when they realised it was Kensi in front of them and both launched forward burying their heads in her neck. She planted a soft kiss on each of the girls' heads and wiped away their tears with the pad of her thumb,

"I miss uncle Dom Kensiii" the tiny Rebecca said and Kensi smiled at her,

"Me too sweetie, me too" when the girls were safely back in their mothers arms Kensi turned blinking to evade the tears welling and made her way towards the rotunda stopping several times to greet other relatives and friends of Dom's that she had met.

As Kensi stepped up onto the first stone step Marcus turned towards her and Martin and David followed suit. She walked towards the trio of men reduced from a quartet of Vail men.

She could remember standing in front of the same men almost seven months ago positioning the camera she held and laughing at the mens' antics. The only difference was that Dom had been sandwiched between his brothers and father grinning happily at her.

By the time Kensi made it back to the team she was feeling worse that she had before. The team was already sitting taking up one of the rows in the middle. A seat had been left for her between Callen and Sam and both men smiled at her as she arrived at the end of the row. Sam offered her his hand as she stepped on the grass balancing herself on her toes and stepped past him to sit on her seat. As soon as she sat down music filled the air around them and Callen reached over only to grab her other hand.

The funeral began as a man neatly dressed in a suit stood before a wooden podium looking out into the crowd,

"Good morning. I want to thank you all for joining us here today to commemorate the life of Dominic Vail. On behalf of Dominic's family I also thank you for your support, your presence and the letters and words of condolences and prayers they have received.

And I am sure that I speak for everyone in expressing our sincere sympathy to all of the Vail family and especially to Dominic's beloved parents, Lauren and Martin. To his sister Cathy and brothers Marcus and David. We share your sadness as we share your love and your pride for your son, brother and friend.

Dominic's life was over far too soon and for everybody who knew him it was a life devoted to ..."

_Because we weren't fast enough. Because we weren't quick enough, good enough. _

Kensi shook her head slightly trying to rid it of the little voice that spoke causing the familiar guilt to overwhelm her once again.

She tried to focus on the priest before her, tried to focus on his words but a haunting memory of the rooftop invaded her mind without permission. She could hear the bullets and the yells, she could smell the blood, she could see the man who now sat to her left, see his face as he shook his head, telling her it was over. Telling her he wasn't coming home; that he was gone. That they were too late. And Dom, their youngest agent had paid the ultimate price.

Her mind filled with all the things she wanted to change. All the things that they could have done, should have done; the same thoughts that she had been torturing herself with all week.

They should have looked harder. _She_ should have looked harder. _She_ should have forced him to go to karaoke with them all. She should have dragged him there, not given in like she had when he'd declined their offer. What kind of partner was she?

Now she didn't have a partner.

She wasn't sure how long it had taken herself to push her thoughts away but when Callen squeezed her hand she looked up realising the priest had stepped back and Cathy had begun to walk towards the podium.

Kensi felt her body shake and the bile rise in her stomach as she realised what was coming.

His sister's speech was unbearable to watch, to listen to. She spoke of her little brothers' nature, shared memories of their childhood and how much she loved him and would miss him. As she turned towards the coffin behind her and laid a hand on it she began to cry the tears running down her face and Kensi forced her eyes to quickly look to the ground not wanting to see the woman fall apart. She clamped her eyes shut when she heard the undeniable cries of her daughters at seeing their mother cry. The speech was finished through sobs and tears and there was an upset silence as Peter, her husband, stood to guide his devastated wife back towards her seat.

It was David who stood next and Kensi could see the redness in his eyes from where she sat. His words of his little brother brought tears to everyone's eyes and she purposely refused to look up at the man, refused to give in to the tears that were building in the corners of her own stinging eyes. Sobs, sniffles, quiet cries and whimpers could be heard between David's meaningful words and the crowd tried to discreetly wipe their wet cheeks dry as the man quoted a heartbreaking poem.

At the end of his eulogy dedicated to his brother she forced herself to look up and found herself meeting David's eyes. He nodded slightly and she returned the gesture before he spoke again,

"I also want to thank another group of people here with is today who were such a large part of my brother's life. Now I can't tell you exactly who they are because as we all know Dom was some secret spy or something like that" he chuckled and Kensi smiled slightly,

"But I want to thank the agents and Dom's workmates who are here today. He loved his job so much; it was who he was more than what he did. He loved to tell us the stories well what wasn't _classified_ anyway" he said with another laugh,

"All I know is that he valued you all so much and looked up to each of you and really hoped that he'd be able to learn from you. He told us about the team about each of you and I know that he both thought that you were all highly skilled but loved your friendship as well. I was fortunate enough to meet Dom's partner Kensi months ago now and it was only several days ago that my mum rang her up and asked her if she would speak today" Kensi felt the team turn and look at her and she realised she hadn't even bothered to tell anyone that she was supposed to be speaking,

"Kensi, Dom told us all the time of his kick ass partner who wasn't scared of anything. He told us of how you were grumpy in the mornings and how you two ate doughnuts all the time like true cops but more than all of that he cherished your friendship, he trusted you and was inspired by you so I thank you along with my family for being that to him along with the rest of you." Kensi laughed at David's knowledge of her but gulped as he invited her up to share her eulogy for her partner. To say goodbye.

She wasn't ready to say goodbye.

**Part 3 of Goodbye**

**Really hope you like it and plllleaaaase review! **

**I have part 4 ready to go so please review and i'll post it for you guys!: )  
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**Thank you **

**Nina xoxo**


	4. Chapter 4

**Goodbye**

**Part 4.**

Kensi felt Callen take her bag as she fumbled with the clasp. He quickly undid it and pulled out the piece of paper she was trying to get. She threw a small smile to him and let Sam pull her upwards. The ex-seal squeezed her hand as she stepped past him and Kensi took a deep breath as she felt everyone turn to look at her. She kept her eyes on David and quickly made her way towards the front.

The man wrapped his arms around her on the steps and she kissed his cheek before he made his way back to his seat and she unfolded the paper in her hands that were trembling slightly. She'd spent the last two days writing and reading and thinking about what to say, it had taken her hours upon hours to write and since then she'd read over it a thousand times, enough that she probably didn't even have to look at it as she spoke.

Kensi looked up into the crowd and she allowed her eyes to sweep over Dom's closest family who smiled at her before she moved her gaze to her own family. Sam gave her an encouraging smile as did Callen, Nate and Eric. When Kensi held the only other woman's gaze Hetty stared at her before giving her a small nod and a smile giving Kensi the strength she needed and somehow giving her the confidence and assuring her that she could in fact do this.

Kensi took a deep breath before beginning to speak,

"It is an honour and true privilege for me to able to stand up here today and pay tribute to a very, very special...extraordinary person and a very special agent, my friend, my partner and my brother Dom. I must start off by thanking you Lauren for giving me the chance to do this and to both you and Martin for allowing us all, from Dom's work, to be here with you all today" She sent a smile towards the couple who sat in the front row, their hands clasped tightly together.

"For those of you I haven't met or wasn't introduced to when Dom dragged me quite unwillingly to a very loud, very chaotic, crazy Vail family weekend reunion. A memory that I will forever cherish and a weekend that will be one of my favourites for life" chuckles from the crowd could be heard as a smile spread on her lips,

"My name is Kensi Blye and I was Dom's partner. The man, the friend, the son, uncle, nephew and agent that we have lost was remarkable or _amazing_ as he would say in so many ways. Like both David and Cathy said he lived his life with a passion and a drive and joy that is rare and truly humbling to be around.

The first time I met Dom...well to be honest I didn't really like him so much." Laughs again arose from the people gathered before her,

"He was ...shy and kind of unsure, new and _really_ polite. We were thrown in the deep end straight into the job and I know that many of you if not all of you have always been kept in the dark about Dom's work, about what he did from day to day. I watched him tell you stories, tales of our crazy adventures as he called them and I know how much he always wanted to share that part of him with you, because it was such a big part of him." she caught Lauren nodding and more tears escaping her eyes as she thought of her son,

"Dom was a quiet person...well most of the time. He wasn't one for attention, he was humble and modest and quiet. But in spite of all of that he was one of the most passionate, driven, motivated agents I have ever known and worked with. His desire to learn. His passion for the cause and his need to help, to give and aid everyone was something that you, in particular, share with him Martin and I know for a fact how much he looked up to you, how much he admired you and learnt from you" Martin met her eyes and she watched tears well in the man's eyes and she stopped for a second drawing in another breath,

"From all of you." Kensi looked around at the flushed faces and shifted her weight before continuing, forcing a smile on her lips,

"So I may not have warmed to him so quickly but as I got to know him he became more than a colleague, more than a fellow agent, but a friend; a friend who I had absolutely nothing in common with but a true friend none the less." She smiled,

"One who was kind and loyal and who knew what type of coffee I drank and what doughnuts I liked." She grinned at David,

"But more than that he could be counted on, he was always there to back me up. Whether it was on the job or not. Because that's who he was. Dependable and loyal. He was often my source of encouragement and my source of strength and I can only hope that I was that for him as well.

But I know that I speak for all of us who have worked with Dom when I say that he was more than just a teammate or a fellow agent, or even a friend. Because to us he was family, because we are a family and he was a part of ours, and will always be a part of ours, one of us." She risked a glance to the team and caught Sam look down and raise a hand to his face. Eric and Nate's eyes were both wet as was Hetty's but Callen met her eyes and gave her a firm nod confirming her words and she smiled at him,

"Because first and foremost I see Dom as family. As a brother. He loved his family profoundly, like nothing else. He was a devoted son, so proud of his parents, a grandson, an uncle, a nephew, a cousin. And he loved and cherished every single one of you. And he taught me about family. He took me to my first family reunion and I was fortunate enough to be invited into the secret tea party of Dom's nieces Rebecca and Lucy." She smiled at the twins who giggled slightly,

"I got to sit around the fire and listen to Martin and his father, Peter share wonderful stories of their childhood and of their lives." She nodded at Martin and his father,

"I even got the chance to hear all those embarrassing stories about Dom that I never let him live down" she said with a laugh and heard the crowd chuckle in response. She shook her head at the memories of teasing her younger partner before looking back into the sea of people,

"But it never really bothered him because they were memories he cherished as well" she smiled knowing it was true.

"Dom took all of the roles in his life to heart whether it was a son or an agent or a friend. He strove to honour and support and protect his family. He was the happiest when he was surrounded by you all and his devotion to you was always the foundation for everything he did – the anchor that defined and shaped his life and his actions every day" she paused,

"Dom lived a life underpinned by a very strong sense of right and wrong. He spoke out when it really counted and he cared enough to act. He never let anyone or anything stand in the way of making things right. He shared his expertise with anyone who would listen. Even though I didn't really want to hear about what he knew about computers" she laughed and caught Eric smile,

"He worked hard and passionately and craved to learn more. And even though you don't know much about his work you should all be so proud of him because I know we are; all of us. We watched him grow into a dedicated and reliable agent who was ready to defend his country and to fight for good and peace and the people he loved.

Fight for what he believed in. I am so grateful that I was able to spend time with Dom, be his partner, get to know him. Learn to trust him and rely on him and get to know his world.

I will remember Dom through the many people he has touched and has left behind. You may not see it or realise it but he leaves an amazing legacy behind through you all." She looked to his family,

"Through you and through the countless people he has helped through his work. He leaves this world a better place than when he found it and for that he, you and I should be very very proud." She heard his mother begin to sob and felt her eyes well at the heartbreaking sounds,

"Dom" she said as she turned slightly to glance behind her,

"We will miss you always and we will always remember you with respect, admiration and love." She felt a tear escape her eye and cursed it for betraying her. She swiped at it quickly before turning back and clearing her throat slightly,

"And as I look out at you all I am looking at many family members and friends and I know that you too will miss the friendship and love that Dom brought into your lives. I know that you will all remember him in your own way.

Martin and Lauren thank you for raising such an incredible man and you know that you have all of our support whenever you need" She promised and they nodded to her, Lauren raising her hand to her lips. Kensi turned again,

"Dom, my partner, my friend and my brother I will miss you so much and I'll always be grateful to you and your family and know that you'll forever be a part of our team. We love you"

**Part 4 of goodbye..**

**Please review and let me know what you think!**

**Thanks for everybody who has reviewed so far,**

**Nina xoxo**


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